Kim

I was born in Harlem 1965. Where my family lived was in the heart of a drug infested neighborhood. My parents inherited 3 brownstones, a tailor shop and a store from my paternal grandfather. My parents did not depend on income from the properties they both worked. My mother was a nurse and my father worked at the post office and NYC Transit Authority as a car inspector. My parents gave me everything I needed and gave to my friends who were less fortunate. My mother was authoritarian parent of the household. She tried to shield me from what was going on in my neighborhood drug dealing, dope fiends on the corner alcoholics, and the gun fights.  As I got older, I was eager to know what was going on on other blocks. I would tell mom that I was going to the store and would deviate to other blocks. During my high school years, I was on the high school basketball team really doing well in my studies at the age of 16. At the age of 17 years old I joined the YMCA where they had after school activities then I joined the basketball team there.   I started smoking weed at the age of 18 and my disease of addiction took off from there. I found out that I was pregnant with my first born at the age of 19. After I gave birth to him, I started using cocaine and I could not get a grip on this addiction. Shortly, I ventured off into crack cocaine in which I found out that I was pregnant again. Gave birth to a 4 pounds 9 oz baby girl which was a miracle. I could not stop using no matter what my mother and father tried to do. They took custody of my 2 children due to my choosing the street over them. I have gone to many inpatient and outpatient programs in NYC. It never failed I always went back to using. I was to the point to where I used to pray to GOD to please help me before I die or get killed. “God please help me to get clean so I can be a parent to my children”, “God I cannot get clean and stay clean in NYC just help me to get out of NYC.”   On March 1, 1991 God answered my prayers. I was tired of the sick and suffering lifestyle using drugs and running the streets and I was missing my children. My oldest brother was living in Albany and was stable in the recovery process. My mother always called him crying and begging him to come get me. I was on the corner of 134th Lenox Ave when my brother and mother pulled up on me and told me to get in the car. This is the day I surrendered. I could remember looking up in the sky and saying, “Thank you God!” My recovery process started when I went to 28-day program and successfully completed. I went on to outpatient treatment for 4 years. I got a sponsor and started to identify with other women in recovery learning how to love myself again and learning how to build healthy relationships. I started to learn about integrity and self-worth. With all that I have lost during my active use I had to be taught how to behave like a woman and how to learn to love myself. I did service for N.A. and started to feel like I was finally this is where I belonged. I received my children back, received my GED, started going to College, at this point I am feeling that anything is possible. I started doing step work with my sponsor to learn how to deal with me and the traditions to learn how to deal with people. As I continued to stay off substances, I found that there is a spiritual piece to staying clean. I always knew that there was someone greater than me and I had to get reconnected again.  Today, my Clean date 3 /2/1991. I have 29 years and 10 months off ALL mind, and mood alternating substances. I continue to go to meetings on a regular basis because meetings still make sense to me. I continue to do step work with my sponsor, I continue to sponsor women in recovery, I continue to be in contact with my support network, I continue to do service work. As you can see for me this will never stop. This is a lifelong process for me. I do not ever want to be refunded the misery of the life that I was living when I was using substances. I will be forever grateful to Narcotics Anonymous and for the forefathers that paved the way for me.    LOST DREAMS AWAKEN NEW POSSIBILITIES ARISE……..